Seeking Help

Now I know many people have a very generic "stereotypical" views of what they think seeing a psychologist is about. Most would rather "deal with their problems on their own" or "live with it" than actually seek necessary help to either fix the problem or get it to a point where they are functional. I myself would love to seek help for things that I see that maybe issues I have and if I had the money would be in the office spilling my guts at the earliest convenience.

At what point in your life after seeing what you have went through, your family and if you have any, your kids do you decide, maybe what I am doing is not enough and I need a third party to intervene. Have you ever witnessed somebody randomly meeting up with somebody they have never met in their life and just tell them EVERYTHING?!?  This usually happens because when you speak to somebody who doesn't know you you feel less judged. If you know you have issues, internalizing it does not help. Not talking about it does not help. I am all for not stressing about things that you can not change, but what if you could? What if you had an issue that you could fix but were too stubborn or close minded to do something about? There are certain things that with age we get better at, but other things, it becomes ingrained in us so bad that we actually start believing that this is okay, that "this is just who I am". I know men who think being crazy jealous and insecure is okay because that is just the way they are. No sir, that is a effect of bad situations and how you choose to deal with future situations in an attempt to not repeat the cycle.

I realize especially in the black community that there are so much mental issues that many of us choose to sweep under the rug because most were never told it is okay to get help or giving other options besides "pray on it" or "sweep it under the rug". Seek help if you have the opportunity, stop trying to be strong by yourself. Being strong is NOT doing everything by yourself, it is the ability to know when to seek help.

*Cedes*

Body Changes

As a woman, we all encounter the lovely hell week every month where some of us have cramps, nausea, headaches, diarrhea, basically everything on that Pepto Bismal commercial. Most of my life I have been lucky to not have suffered from most of these symptoms except minor lower back pain or cramps maybe once a year.

Since I have hit 25 how some of that has changed. My emotions have a mind of their own. I have cried more this year than I have in all of my 25 years (minus the baby years). My mood swings scare the hell out of me sometimes and my nipples get so sensitive that if the wind blows I feel as if I have been punched. Even though most of the times I don't suffer from this, when this does happen it is draining. This last cycle I sat and mulled over a situation that in reality I should have already put to rest so much that I emotionally drained myself and had to take a nap. I put myself in a situation where I knew I should have never been and then let guilt and the hypocrisy of my ways have its way with my mind as punishment for my wrong doings. I know most of us are hard on ourselves but I would lock myself up and throw away the key when I am unhappy with a decision that I make. The mixture of my wrong doing on top of my impending period being on its way proved to be so overwhelming that only slumber could take me away from my own suffering.

I have gotten to know my body and recognized the signs of change very well and one thing I know never to do is to add insult to injury with unnecessary problems while those changes are in process because that is sensory overload that I cannot deal with nor do I wish to put my poor loyal friends through every time I go through such a thing.

*Cedes*

Mind Your Business!!!

This title is funny because we all know I am nosey as hell, but there are certain things that even I know better than to get involved in. Ladies, we all talk about things whether it is relationships, work, or what Kisha from the hair salon did at the club Saturday night. Now here are some things that all of us ladies need to see and pretend like we didn't see it.

One example, yesterday my homegirl called me to ask me my advice on something that happened with another friend of hers. Both her and her friend are friends on Facebook with a guy my friend dated. They are currently just friends at the moment. He posted a status message on Facebook saying "My grandfather said do not marry the woman you love but the woman who loves you." Her friend proceeds to read this message and comment on the status basically saying she didn't like it or does not understand why he would feel such a way. She was basically insinuating that that is how he felt in regards to my friend. He read it and responded telling her that it wasn't for HER to understand. They exchanged some words and let it rest. Her friend then tells her about the status message and how she felt that it was in regards to her and felt like he was disrespectful and didnt really care about her if he felt such a way and blah blah blah. I kindly told my friend to tell her friends to have a fucking seat and "MIND YO GOT DAMN MUTHAFUCKING BUSINESS BITCH!!" * in Kevin Hart's voice*

The reason for this is because yes we as females talk and ask each other for advice, but we at times use our own situations to guide the advice we are giving instead of being openminded about the other person's whole situation. I know this because I have done it and even at times I might still do. I told her to not read anything into that message for the simple fact that it might have had nothing to do with her at all and she already has history of being extra for no reason. We as females want to give our two cents and tell how we would handle things forgetting that it is NOT our situation to handle and we all deal with things differently.  We allow people to tell us things about our own relationships and make decisions off of that instead of following what somebody else advice. I am all for other options but sometimes just listening to your friend is the only thing she needs. I know sometimes when I talk about a situation, when I hear myself I realize how ridiculous or stupid what I am saying is and check my own self. 

So ladies, lets all take a teaspoon of "mind your business" everyday. It will make everybody lives easier.

*Cedes*

F.I.N.E.

When you guys see this word you clearly start thinking, "Is she going to have a totally conceited moment and decides to write about how fine she think she is??" No silly wabbits!! Thanks to an awesome friend of mines @prymetymej3 who is a Psychology graduate, he led me to the acronym F.I.N.E.

He explained to me what each word stands for.
F- Freak Out
I - Insecure
N - Neurotic
E - Emotional

So at first I was like maybe I'm like 2 out of the four, by today he told me I was ALL FOUR!!! *shakes head in disgust* So me being the stubborn, opinionated controlling ass female that I am I go into a whole rant/discussion about why I could not possibly be all of these things. The only problem with this is that my dear friend knows of all my highs and lows and knows me like a damn book so he shut me down in about 2.5 seconds *hangs head in shame* So you know me being the analytical person that I am, I had to think about it and digest it to be able to accept what is basically true, at least some of the time. lol!!

I will break down why I can NOT even front about how I have experienced ALL of these different letters at certain points in my life.

F - Freak Out.

On one occasion I was seeing this guy and we were at a hotel amongst some other friends. We were partying and drinking and me and the guy were getting all frisky n ish. Anyhoo, he was drunk as hell, more than I was considering we were drinking moonshine from Alabama but that is an entirely other story that I won't get into today. :-) . So he headed down to his room and I went to my room to change into something more comfortable (#dontjudgeme) to head over to his room. How about when I get to his room, this fool had passed the fuck out and wasn't responding to my knocks. Welp, I proceeded to bang down the door like the po po for about 15 minutes and calling his name like some crazy bitch who caught her man cheating. Did I mention that it was in November and it was like 30 degrees and I had on his leather jacket and shorts? No? oh... *side eye* People in other rooms heard me banging and EVERYTHING!! I soon gave up and went into my home girl's room and less than 5 minutes later he called me to come back. Well... lets just say, that is my one and only moment of complete insanity and my friends who know about it have not let me live that down since, mind you it has been almost 3 years..lol.

I - Insecure

Now in this case I don't necessarily have one story. I think my worse insecurity are one of being rejected so I tend to not like to ask questions if I'm not almost sure that the answer is what I want to hear. But I have quickly learned that hearing the disappointing response early rather than later will hurt me less. I used to have insecurities of being dark skinned, but I quickly shook that off when I went to college. I looked at college as a place for new beginnings because I didn't know anyone and I have never looked back since.

N - Neurotic

Ok, so this one is one I fought the MOST against. I was like I am soooo not neurotic!! Then I remembered not too long ago as I was getting over a really bad situation that I put myself in that I did experience moments of this. I was so hurt that the mere mention of that person's name or a specific song made me nauseous. It was BAD. Every time that song came on I would get totally sick, or when people kept mentioning his name I was would start dry heaving. Yeah, ridiculous, I know. Never in my life had I ever experienced some shit like that, I thought for the longest I was sick until I connected the dots. Let's just say I am happy to be past that stage of the recovery process.. WHEWW!!

Last but certainly not least,

E - Emotional

Welp, most women are guilty of this by default..lol. Being the true Capricorn that I am, I either appear like I don't give a fuck or my emotions come roaring out like a hurricane, there is really no in between with me. So most of the time I would rather just not give a fuck until it is worth it because I go hard in the paint when it comes to my emotions. I have learned however, to express how I feel about anything at all times because every single time I have held it in it has turned into damn near a melt down of epic proportions ESPECIALLY if alcohol is involved.

Now ladies, I know some of y'all are still in denial about your F.I.N.E. status, but trust me when I tell you, we have ALL suffered from at least 3 out of 4 of these and might not even realized it. Think down deep, remember your most embarrassing of moments, or the times when you're feeling down and out and having those "im so fat today" moments, its okay we all have them. Like my bro says, the quicker you learn to accept your flaws, the better off you will be.

*Cedes*

Loyalty VS. Stupidity

This word or its meaning rather must be up to interpretation because there are many people screaming it but most of those same people do NOT practice it at all. I myself am loyal to a fault. If you are a friend or family member who I am close to or significant other you will know that without question. Those are the people that I would wake up in the middle of the night for to do practically anything short of going to jail for. Why? Because they would do the same for me.

I have been loyal to people who have not deserved that kind of devotion and I damn sure ended up falling into the stupid category, but we all live and learn and should do better right? Right!! I think with loyalty comes respect and understanding. This person knows me, knows what I do and don't like and stands by me through thick and thin. When I'm crying over something, or something bad has happened or shit when something great has happened and I want to share it with my friends they are there. My closest friends I have experienced great highs and lows with them and they even offered to help me whoop ass, which I clearly would never let my friends do. I was called unloyal once because I supposedly turned my back on somebody when they disrespected me. That one act is why we pretty much aren't even friends right now. There are three things I don't like... .like A LOT!! Lying, embarrassing me in public, and airing out my personal business in public. Shit like that causes me to become a bitch and I really hate when that happens. Was I there for that person for EVERYTHING? Hell yes, but to them I was unloyal so I failed the ultimate test. My point is apparently what I viewed as being loyal they didn't and vice versa.

Now, stupidity... this is what I see a lot of people see loyalty as. Being loyal to somebody does not mean you should sacrifice your beliefs, freedom, and self worth. Stupidity is the people who said that Tiny should take the rap for TI since she didn't have previous charges. Stupidity is to allow yourself to be disrespected because you know that he didn't really mean it. Stupidity is for anyone of us to put somebody else before themselves that isn't even your damn mother!!

Today I watched the opposite sides of the fence tweets about loyalty and once again it was hood vs suburbanites. Chicks talking about Tiny should have taken the wrap for him. Igga what?? You forgot she has kids to take care of?  *face palm* Yes you hood folks can always say, we don't know shit because we didn't grow up in the hood, but what happened to the people who did grow up in the hood that still say its bullshit?? What was their gov't cheese different?? Or did they just choose to go another route? Or let me guess.. sell out? And let me not forget about the people who actually grew up out the hood but desperately want to live the "hood" lifestyle, y'all deserve a special type of fuckery award.

Yes we all have grown up different ways and view life differently but some things should be universal. There is a thin line between loyalty and stupidity and people shuffle between the two everyday B.

*Cedes*

College Degree Vs. No Degree

I have noticed over the past couple weeks that many people have debated about whether or not college degrees serve a purpose or not. I myself have a Bachelor's and I am working on my Master's. Am I presently working? Nope. Am i struggling to find a job? Yes. Do I ever regret getting my degree?? Hell no.

Now with that being said, there are many people with and without degrees who do have jobs. The problem I have is with the people without degrees who keep throwing all this shade towards those who do. If you chose not get a degree and decided another option was better for you then so be it. Their reasoning has always been this "some of the most successful people do not have degrees". I then ask them, who are you referring to? Music artists? Bill Gates? Athletes?? I have really yet to get a solid response. They forget many people who are rich who are not famous who do have degrees and are quiet successful in their fields.

Yes there are many ways to be successful in life without actually having a college degree. Will you be a lawyer, doctor, scientist, researcher, pharmacist, etc etc without one? Hell no. If you like more blue collar jobs or maybe opted the music route then that's great too!! But do NOT tell me that in life a degree does not benefit you. I knew what I wanted to do in life and I knew that it required having either a chemistry/chemical engineering degree therefore that is what I acquired. 

Here is the other issue I have. You can disagree if you want, but I find that the arguments that people do not need degrees come from many guys with a "hood" mentality. Many of them are the same ones who feel people who do have degrees act like they are better than them. In all actuality there are people who do feel that way, but I have a feeling they were like that before they had that degree. I have encountered this argument on twitter quite a few times in the past couple months and it baffles me of some people way of thinking but there is nothing I can do about that.

There are countless ways to acquire secondary knowledge like training programs, the military, certifications, or plain experience. Everybody has options, you like it I love it. But do not knock people who chose to go to college and further our education that way, do not let some of the snobby apples ruin the whole bunch. 

*Cedes*

The Reason Behind This Blog

This really should have been the first post but the way my thoughts jump from one thing to another I just went with whatever I felt at the time. I was sitting on twitter about two hours ago asking questions to my followers about how they felt about their significant others choosing to write their thoughts to them instead of voicing them. I realized many people had no issues with it as long as it did NOT become a crutch.

The reason for my questions were because I am known to have the "Words Trapped in My Throat" syndrome. Whenever I am in an unknown situation or where I am not completely comfortable with the opposite sex I bitch up like like there is a gun to my head. In the past couple months I experienced this in the worse way. I would literally hear the words in my head but my mouth would open and there would be nothing but air coming out. But the crazy shit was that I could write it or voice it to somebody else who it didn't affect of course. Anyhoo, I digress. If the theory "closed mouths don't get fed" is true, I would be one hungry bitch at times because I that gripping mixture of pride and fear has been a factor in making my life miserable as hell at times.

I sat and thought about it and have been thinking about it for a while and realized that this is something I either have to face and open my mouth, or find other avenues of expressing myself. Thus came this blog and its title :-) *cues tadaa moment*.

*Cedes*