F.I.N.E.

When you guys see this word you clearly start thinking, "Is she going to have a totally conceited moment and decides to write about how fine she think she is??" No silly wabbits!! Thanks to an awesome friend of mines @prymetymej3 who is a Psychology graduate, he led me to the acronym F.I.N.E.

He explained to me what each word stands for.
F- Freak Out
I - Insecure
N - Neurotic
E - Emotional

So at first I was like maybe I'm like 2 out of the four, by today he told me I was ALL FOUR!!! *shakes head in disgust* So me being the stubborn, opinionated controlling ass female that I am I go into a whole rant/discussion about why I could not possibly be all of these things. The only problem with this is that my dear friend knows of all my highs and lows and knows me like a damn book so he shut me down in about 2.5 seconds *hangs head in shame* So you know me being the analytical person that I am, I had to think about it and digest it to be able to accept what is basically true, at least some of the time. lol!!

I will break down why I can NOT even front about how I have experienced ALL of these different letters at certain points in my life.

F - Freak Out.

On one occasion I was seeing this guy and we were at a hotel amongst some other friends. We were partying and drinking and me and the guy were getting all frisky n ish. Anyhoo, he was drunk as hell, more than I was considering we were drinking moonshine from Alabama but that is an entirely other story that I won't get into today. :-) . So he headed down to his room and I went to my room to change into something more comfortable (#dontjudgeme) to head over to his room. How about when I get to his room, this fool had passed the fuck out and wasn't responding to my knocks. Welp, I proceeded to bang down the door like the po po for about 15 minutes and calling his name like some crazy bitch who caught her man cheating. Did I mention that it was in November and it was like 30 degrees and I had on his leather jacket and shorts? No? oh... *side eye* People in other rooms heard me banging and EVERYTHING!! I soon gave up and went into my home girl's room and less than 5 minutes later he called me to come back. Well... lets just say, that is my one and only moment of complete insanity and my friends who know about it have not let me live that down since, mind you it has been almost 3 years..lol.

I - Insecure

Now in this case I don't necessarily have one story. I think my worse insecurity are one of being rejected so I tend to not like to ask questions if I'm not almost sure that the answer is what I want to hear. But I have quickly learned that hearing the disappointing response early rather than later will hurt me less. I used to have insecurities of being dark skinned, but I quickly shook that off when I went to college. I looked at college as a place for new beginnings because I didn't know anyone and I have never looked back since.

N - Neurotic

Ok, so this one is one I fought the MOST against. I was like I am soooo not neurotic!! Then I remembered not too long ago as I was getting over a really bad situation that I put myself in that I did experience moments of this. I was so hurt that the mere mention of that person's name or a specific song made me nauseous. It was BAD. Every time that song came on I would get totally sick, or when people kept mentioning his name I was would start dry heaving. Yeah, ridiculous, I know. Never in my life had I ever experienced some shit like that, I thought for the longest I was sick until I connected the dots. Let's just say I am happy to be past that stage of the recovery process.. WHEWW!!

Last but certainly not least,

E - Emotional

Welp, most women are guilty of this by default..lol. Being the true Capricorn that I am, I either appear like I don't give a fuck or my emotions come roaring out like a hurricane, there is really no in between with me. So most of the time I would rather just not give a fuck until it is worth it because I go hard in the paint when it comes to my emotions. I have learned however, to express how I feel about anything at all times because every single time I have held it in it has turned into damn near a melt down of epic proportions ESPECIALLY if alcohol is involved.

Now ladies, I know some of y'all are still in denial about your F.I.N.E. status, but trust me when I tell you, we have ALL suffered from at least 3 out of 4 of these and might not even realized it. Think down deep, remember your most embarrassing of moments, or the times when you're feeling down and out and having those "im so fat today" moments, its okay we all have them. Like my bro says, the quicker you learn to accept your flaws, the better off you will be.

*Cedes*